The Pecking Order

The following is written by guest blogger, Gwendolyn Fiola. This is an outlet for individuals who would like to share their stories, in the hope that others will connect and find support. If you have a story you’d like to share, please message us on Facebook or email us at

I love being married! I am a huge fan of the partnership that takes place between two people who choose to spend their lives together. I love that I have someone who I can collaborate, consult with, and explore life with! Marriage is a perfect union between two imperfect people. Not only is it a legal union, but something so much deeper… it is an intimate spiritual union.

One of the best things that comes from love and marriage (and sometimes other situations) is babies. I love that babies are the perfect combination of two people. They go from being a microscopic cell into a 9-lb baby in less than a year.

So now that you have a baby, or two, or three… now what? How does a mommy juggle her time between being a caregiver, nurse, chauffeur, manager, and schedule keeper. With all of these balls in the air, it is easy to forget about your first love: your spouse. No matter what phase of life you are in, no matter how old your kids are, no matter how exhausted you are, your significant other still has needs that have to be met.

There is a fantastic book called “His Needs, Her Needs: How to Affair Proof Your Marriage” by Willard F. Harley Jr. that explains the five most basic needs a man and woman have. If you meet these needs, your chances of divorce and infidelity are substantially lower:

1) Sexual Fulfillment: I’m not going to get to graphic but it’s important to constantly be communicating with your partner about expectations and needs.

2) Recreational Companionship: you need to be your partners friend. Friends do activity together, friends talk, friends make time for each other. Find a hobby or sport to do together and make that a priority.

3) Attractive Wife: this one was a big realization of this. Your husband will (and should) find you beautiful just the way you are. A husband loves seeing EFFORT. A little make up and a cute dress on a date night makes all the difference – and don’t you just feel better when your look is on point?!

4) Domestic Support: this isn’t what it sounds like. A partner needs to have their space and alone time. They need some time to unwind. Maybe that means you take the kids to the park or after the kids go to bed, give him half hour… I promise you that you will both appreciate and love more after a little alone time.

5) Appreciation and Admiration: one word – respect. There was a study done that shows most men find respect to be the same feeling as love. In my opinion, a woman should respect her partner unconditionally. My husband and I try our best to live this life. He tries to show me love unconditionally and I try to show him respect all the time. That doesn’t mean we don’t fight, that doesn’t mean we don’t get frustrated. Saying, “I don’t respect you” to a man is like a man saying, “I don’t love you” to a wife.

There is so much on a woman’s plate. You are raising babies, have so much responsibility, and are running a household. Just don’t forget the one you chose to build this life with!


About Gwendolyn:


Gwendolyn Fiola (@life_love_and_lavender_blog) has a passion for people, healthy relationships, and marriages. Gwen also has a deep love for informing and empowering people about mental health awareness and the stigmas attached.

In her downtime she enjoys having adventures with her husband Rob, writing, modeling, and volunteering at her local church. Visit her blog at or find her on twitter.

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