From Tami: Small Victories

tami with group of kids

There are many small victories in step-parenting. I have been a step-mom for many years already, and I have enjoyed experiencing my relationships deepen and individualize with each my children—regardless of whether I gave birth to them or not. It is nice though (and, I admit, somewhat validating) when I see tangible evidence that the children feel the same way.

I have two boys who are the same age. One is biologically mine, and one is not. I love them both, I yell at them both, and they both make me laugh or make me crazy, depending on the day. But often, when they need something, they instinctively ask their biological parent first. It isn’t an indictment of us as step-parents. It is simply who they think to go to first when they have a request.

And so I was so touched when my stepson came into the kitchen, walked past his father to me, and asked if he could have some money to see a movie with friends.

It sounds like a non-issue. In fact, if he reads this post he is going to think I’m crazy, because it sounds like such a non-issue. But to me, it wasn’t.

It was a sign of successful family blending. It was a sign of affection. It was a sign that I am a true parental figure in his life (never mind that he has lived in my house full-time for a decade).

It was a small gesture that meant so much to me, looking back on all of the ups and downs of blending families. It was important in its normalcy.

And that is the biggest victory of all.


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