To Fight or Not to Fight in Front of the Kids

Scared little girl

The following is written by guest blogger, Gwendolyn Fiola. This is an outlet for individuals who would like to share their stories, in the hope that others will connect and find support. If you have a story you’d like to share, please message us on Facebook or email us at

I am not a parent but will be in the next year or so. I am a planner, thinker, and analyzer. My husband and I read marriage and parent books, talk to our friends with babies, and talk to what friends experienced growing up.

One thing we have talked about in depth is how are we going to deal with conflict. Will we discuss conflict in front of our children or wait to discuss things behind closed doors? Well there are a few options. Ultimately it is what you and your partner choose but I strongly recommend you intentionally choose and not just let life happen:

1) Disagreeing in front of the children: one of my really good friends talked to me about her experience growing up is her parents disagreed in front of their kids (in an age appropriate fashion) BUT she said she always saw them make up. If you disagree in front of your children they MUST SEE THE MAKEUP. If they don’t see that, all they see is drama.

Rules: yelling, swearing, or demeaning each other is not okay. Keep the inappropriate content out of sight.

Pro: your children see healthy conflict and learn how to solve it

2) Keeping it behind closed doors: this was how my parents argued. I never saw my parents disagreeing or being snappy. At the same time I never saw much physical affection between them either. Regardless I always felt secure. I never worried my parents would get a divorce, I never worried that their marriage will be strained.

Pros: security for children

Con: I never learned how to fight properly. It took till I was 23 and read a ton of marriage books that men need unconditional respect. My husband and I had to make rules such as no yelling, no passive aggressive, and no “I told you so”.

Like I said, we don’t have children but we talked about our goals (you mommies may be laughing because we might just be being ideal but I do believe goals and plans are important.)

Our goal is to show healthy communication with our children. I want them to see me unconditionally respect my husband and how he treats me lovingly. Marriage and parent expert Dr. Kevin Leman says you should “gross out your kids”. Give your partner lots of hugs and kisses. I want my girls to dream from a young age to dream of their Prince Charming and that their daddy creates that image. I want my little boys to want a woman who want a wife who adores them and respects them.

Children once grown will tolerate from their partner what they grew up with. If they grew up with screaming fights, then they will find that acceptable. If they grow up in a peaceful household, they will seek a partner who love and respects them.

Each couple has their own dynamic so open up the conversation and choose what works for you and your family.

About Gwendolyn:


Gwendolyn Fiola (@life_love_and_lavender_blog) has a passion for people, healthy relationships, and marriages. Gwen also has a deep love for informing and empowering people about mental health awareness and the stigmas attached.

In her downtime she enjoys having adventures with her husband Rob, writing, modeling, and volunteering at her local church. Visit her blog at or find her on twitter.

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