87 Thoughts Moms Have While Shopping at Target

Does this inner-monologue sound similar to yours?

1. Alright… we’re here.
2. Here we go.
3. Of course, there’s never a close parking space.
4. Guess we’ll have to walk.
5. I never take walks anymore – this is probably a good thing.
6. Pretty please be good in the store for Mommy.
7. You took your shoes off?
8. When on Earth did you take your shoes off?
9. Nevermind, let’s go.
10. Ugh, you’re heavy for a 2-year old.
11. Yes, I know it’s a big surprise, but you need to sit in the carriage.
12. Where’s the freaking pacifier?
13. Oh whatever, just play with my phone.
14. I love these carriages; they’re so light.
15. Wish the grocery store had lighter carriages.
16. No, Target. You’re not going to get me with your $1 bargain center.
17. They plant those damn aisles first thing when you walk in.
18. So strategic and sneaky of you.
19. It’s fine, I love you.
20. Okay, what do I need…
21. Oh wait, the kid has my phone with the list on it.
22. Please just give it back to mommy for one second.
23. Shhh, shhh…
24. Ugh fine, back to the bargain center.
25. Here, play with this cup.
26. Oh cute dresses.
27. She’d look so cute in this dress.
28. $20? I thought you were supposed to be cheap, Target.
29. Moving on.
30. Greeting cards are so expensive.
31. Are there any birthdays coming up?
32. Yup.
33. Whatever, I’ll grab some all-purpose cards at the Dollar Store.
34. I wonder when I’ll have time to get to the Dollar Store this week?
35. Oh whatever, I’ll just buy the $4 card now – I’ll end up spending the $3 in gas getting there anyways.
36. At least I’ll hang onto my sanity.
37. Oh yay – cleaning products.
38. New exclusive Method scent? FANCY.
39. LOL jk, I’ll take a bottle of Comet for 99 cents.
40. Oh yikes, that mom is not having a good time.
41. My baby is an angel.
42. Aw, she’s so cute.
43. Hey, stop putting that cup in your mouth.
44. Okay, coupon time.
45. Of course, nothing that I need.
46. Oh no, don’t cry.
47. Here, it’s right here – you just dropped it.
48. Shhh, shhh.
49. Where the hell is the Advil in this place?
50. Am I lost?
51. Oh no – the toy section.
52. Oh sure, now you stop crying.
53. I knew we’d run into Barbie.
54. Okay, your Barbie chant is freaking everyone around us out – including me.
55. Barbie – I never met anyone named Barbie.
56. It’s kinda cute, but kinda ruined forever.
57. If I have another girl, I want to name her Amelia.
58. I want another baby.
59. Oh God, stop – back to Barbie.
60. Look at Barbie’s permanent smile.
61. It’s kind of creepy when you stare at it, actually.
62. Ah, whatever. One more Barbie won’t kill our bank account.
63. For the love of God, just pick one.
64. Oh good – the one who’s hair changes color under water.
65. That’ll be a wet mess.
66. How long have I been here?
67. I need to get home and make dinner.
68. Ugh, dinner.
69. I can’t believe I’ll be making dinner for the next 20+ years basically.
70. Do I even have anything good for dinner?
71. I guess I should head to the food aisle.
72. Frozen meals – that’s tempting.
73. Do we even have room in the freezer?
74. The eggplant looks good.
75. Will I ever have time to make eggplant parm again?
76. Okay, where’s the marinara sauce? Pasta it is.
77. Someone’s getting restless – it’s time to go.
78. I wonder if hubby is home yet.
79. Is he wondering where we are?
80. Does he care?
81. Would I care?
82. I’d probably just nap while I could in a dead silent house.
83. Okay, check out.
84. Let Mommy have the $1 cup.
85. Please just let it go…
86. Oh whatever, it’s just a dollar.
87. What’s another dollar on top of the $117?